you see the thing is, you were never smart enough for me. and i try not to do this - next door neighbor thing like can i borrow a cup of sugar for my tea, get the love first and then make with the measuring of how smart i am and you could never be. but its that closed mindedness we had in common. you with your argumentative thinking, me with my sociological reasoning. trapped like lovers who don’t converse just speaking at one another like narrating a compilation of papers we wrote in college. you’re public speaking skills got the best of you. my emotional explanations of how you weren’t wrong but wait here , no, look at it from this angle. and then the erruptions from our inablitiy to agree to disagree.
and i’m sorry. i’ve been sorry for more than i should have but the thing i never got to apologize for was the things i knew you lacked. intelligence. only to a certain degree, because you, like me, thought you were a smarty. and thats a fact, but only relatively. cuz you could never see the things i couldn’t help but see. the meaning behind the meanings and the reasons you could never understand me. and i know that you tried your best and failed the test constantly. but when you were left with an itch in your mind and tried your best to dissect and define all the reasons you hurt me and how hard it was to find the flaw in your practice. with each kiss, you had enough sorries for every future tear. sit in silence and then admit you didn’t know what was wrong, didn’t know what to do. might as well have feigned intelligence to get yourself through because trying was too hard to do. and if you were as smart as i thought maybe you could have used those thinking skills to work out the obvious instead of shut down like a failed power line. what are you? man or mineral? years of never comprehending the main idea of our lives together, just empty promises and a broken heart left after you were too tired to even think about trying. lashing out now about how i dominate each conversation and make them about my feelings, uh yeah, maybe if you would have volunteered to speak as proof of understanding human relations, knowing that pain stems from somewhere, just like your brain, or wait, can’t you use it for something besides academia? you replaced all those burgers with asperger’s syndrome and forgot what it was to be human. so yeah, you weren’t wrong, this relationship was one sided, because i was only one between the two of us that was man enough not to let the ship sink. and i know it had holes, many caused by me but i refused to let my heart go down without a fight because i believe that love is worth the time and effort. maybe next time you’re doing homework and trying to get into MIT you’ll realize that brainpower and involvement you use was the kind i had in mind when i was thinking of you. they don’t teach you how to love in school.