still not quite finished - but i’ve got three weeks to do touch ups and add a few things.
i can hear him softly singing aloud through my headphones - muffled against this black sheep track, and its sweet. today i spent hours with pen in hand inking one page of a comic - pure. i’ve still got cold feet about this written statement due - and i killed a mouse in the kitchen. well the trap killed it - but his little eyes stared me down in his last moments of a death rattle - and i think he knew i intended his demise. or probably not - but it was an odd experience.
(note: thats a couple sticky coats of green, black and brown glaze- strokes create the grassy illusion and i hope the linseed oil does not spontaneously combust.)
Its the last day of October. i’m sitting here with my santana abraxsas tape queued up and ready to play as soon as this grandaddy song finishes up. so many memories… reminds me of friendship. when i switch to this old Sony Megabass i will hopefully have a glass of cool water in one hand and oily pigment in the other.
I still need to finish this murderous painting let alone write my artist statement and meet the other qualifications to enter this showcase. sidenote: a really talented guy i know will also be entering, so if anyone who reads this is attending the show in early 2012 - keep one pupil exposed for the chance to see some art by Nathan Ramone.
im feeling serious and my feet are cold… maybe its the missed dose of my medication or just the healing cut on my thumb - the swarm of isolation is covering me up and maybe in the spirit of real life story book horrors i’ll watch the shinning tonight. but right now, between the fuzzy noise of the tape deck and the pile of crumbled up reject band-aids, i have some work to do.
The clock is ticking and November starts tomorrow.
stroke by stroke - piece by piece - its coming to me slowly, never dragging… that slow motion anticipation - like focusing on a mouthful hitting each tiny bud on your tongue until it waves over you: instantaneous and stretched out at once.
yesterday marks week 6 of biologics. i have been injecting myself for three weeks now - getting a little easier each time - but like painting - it will take time and it will never quite feel easy. (the day art is easy is the day i will hang my head low enough to drag behind me.) sounds like a good image. wait for it.
emotions have been re-rooting themselves in the frozen earth, hard and heavy and overwhelming. but i’m enduring for the long hall, so don’t trip.
Also, i’ve busied myself with the hope of completing this painting for what will be a very realistic and timely goal - The entry deadline for the 2012 NM Contemporary Art Showcase at 516 ARTS Gallery. Expect to see me there, hopefully twice over, and i will expect to see you too.
every real friend i’ve ever had - every person i’ve actually had the pleasure to know thoroughly in a deep, intellectual and meaningful way - people i would do anything for and would love to see on a regular basis are all far away from me.
it’s lonely here in this cave - i won’t ever say its been anything but lonely. this magnetic pull to persons who are pulled in opposite directions is an unfortunate coincidental trend. nevertheless, my mind has been shaky lately - stala(ctites) and (gmites) have drip-dropped to the point of impalement. brain = skewers.
its 93 out - i am dehydrated and in the midst of completing the commissioned piece - so far so great. thin layers of acrylic wash have made all the difference - due date July 15th. in my hole filled mind i’m already there.
Oh yeah - one last thing: there is sadness. severe and painful in its own way;
“I know we’s kin but - They’ve got this depression on and I’s got to do for me and my own.”
- O Brother, Where Art Thou, Joel & Ethan Coen, 2000
as if i hadn’t complained enough already, i am shaking hands with severe back pain.
but i did get another few hours of painting in ( i’m sure theres a connection here unfortunately. )
at least my hands aren’t acting up these days. and i still relatively have my health, good spirits. had a home made soy chai latte - nice and warm topped with whipped half&half - and lasagna for dinner. hoping i can make the week with at least one painting finished, though i hoped to have two. we’ll see what we see i suppose. until then my friends,
Makayla Armijo is an artist and poet from Albuquerque, New Mexico. These are her poems, paintings, drawings, and inspirations.
above photo credit: Tess Coats
above photo credit: Tess Coats
